It’s an age old question – how many partners should a woman have had? Much has been said about the double standard attached to a woman’s choice of partners versus that of a man, and many women talk down their number of partners (or consciously limit it) in order to not come across as “easy”. In Ireland, where religion is still a strong element of many people’s lives, it’s relatively common for women to choose to limit their number of partners, with a significant number choosing to wait until marriage before having sex.

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How blind is love exactly? Men are often accused of being the ones to value physical appearance over brains and character, but according to a recent survey, women can be almost as shallow when dating (if by “shallow” you mean “place as much importance on the subconscious signals we get from other people’s physical appearance”).

Now before we go any further, you should know that although this survey was conducted by a reputable psychologist and published in the Huffington Post, it was actually commissioned by a plastic surgery outfit. Call me a cynic, but I’m always a bit wary of research funded by companies with a vested interest in the subject matter. On the other hand, the results were rather interesting, so let’s go along with it.

For long lasting relationships, compatibility is obviously the key, but it seems physical attraction is one aspect of compatibility that’s often neglected in research, as we assume people “grow out of that” after a while and place more value on other aspects of the person they’re with. In reality, the importance of physical attraction stretches far beyond the initial dating stage and into the first 7 years of the relationship – far beyond the honeymoon stage and the passionate stage. Beyond that, other factors do take over and both men and women care less about each other’s appearance. As expected, both men and women said they were less attracted to their long term partner if said partner didn’t take care of their physical appearance. I’d stop short of suggesting plastic surgery for those worried about appearing less attractive to your partner, though. Especially as I think some of it at least can be attributed to the changes we go through in relationships, rather than ageing.

When you’re single and dating you’re more likely to invest in your personal appearance (in terms of clothing, make up for the women, hair style, etc.) as you’re trying to find someone. When you start dating you make each other feel great and feel beautiful and dress and style accordingly. As you become comfortable in a relationship, you may relax into it and just be yourself, which for most people involves less attention to grooming and styling. This, in turn, can signal to your partner that you’re less concerned with appealing to them sexually, which in turn can make them feel less desirable. So if you want to keep the attraction going, maybe try thinking of them in terms of a new, exciting person you want to impress every once in a while and act accordingly.

PARSHIP is one of the few dating sites I know of where the male/female ration isn’t horribly skewed in the male direction. Traditionally, men were the early adopters when it came to the online dating world. It’s not difficult to see why. The Internet was originally more used by men, who were generally more comfortable with the new technology. Online communication is effective – you can use text only, without needing to use the phone (which many men don’t like using).

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An Australian statistician has written a book about love and dating that is bound to appeal to geeks worldwide. But even if, like me, you’re not a numbers person, some of the information in Love by numbers is of the sort that will make you go hmmm. The book is the product of years of research, using information from several countries.

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